And yet another airport adventure...

8/24/08
There is a continuing theme with me, airports, and strange people… and here we go again. Had a layover in the Dallas airport coming home from Memphis, so I decided to run to the bookstore that was right near our gate to buy a book that I had been reading bits and pieces of every time we were stuck in the Dallas airport. It is called “The Iceman, Confessions of a Mofia Hitman”. It is about this guy named Richard Kuklinski who was a contract killer for the Gambino crime family. I had seen an interview with him on the History channel and it was very interesting. Anyway, I had spent so much time reading bits and pieces of this book, I figured I’d go ahead and buy it with some of my extra meal money I had saved from the trip.

I walked into the bookstore and strolled over to where the book had been shelved the past 9 trips through Dallas and, of course, it isn’t there. So I begin looking on the shelves for it. Not seeing it, I walk to the checkout desk where the clerk (an Indian woman, not Native American, the Indian where women where hoods and only show their faces and their hands) was getting macked on by an African American security guard. Here is the ensuing exchange:

FR: Hi, I was wondering if you had a book in stock?
Strange Indian woman bookstore worker: Whoot es de nam of de boo?
FR: Iceman, Confessions of a Mafia Hitman
SIWBW: Whoot?
FR: (I repeat myself, slower)
Annoying Mack-Daddy Rent-A-Cop: Hitmain? Aww, chumon dawg! Don’t tell me you wanna be a hitmain!?
FR: (laughing at such a dumbass remark) No, it’s a book ABOUT a hitman. I’ve seen the guy interviewed and he is pretty interesting.
AMDRAC: ‘Cause main, you don’t wanna be no hitmain!
FR: When did I ever say anything about being a hitman? It’s a freakin’ book that I want to read!
AMDRAC: It is how-to guide on bein’ a hitmain?
FR: (looking at this idiot like he is indeed an idiot) No, like I just said, it is a book ABOUT a hitman!
SIWBW: Ah, yees, hur eet es. Eet es en children’s lit.
FR: No, it is not a children’s book.
SIWBW: Yees eet es.
FR: A children’s book about a real-life hitman? A guy who kills other people for money? You seriously think so!?
SIWBW: Yees. (at this point she walks over to the children’s section to prove me wrong and find the book)
AMDRAC: Main, you never know whut dem kids ez reading deez dayz.
FR: (wondering if this is actually happening or if I am still asleep on the plane) You know what, don’t worry about it. I checked over where I had seen it before and you are apparently out of stock, thanks though. (and I turn to walk off)
SIWBW: Ah yees, hur eet es. (she hands me a young-adult book that has the word “confessions” in the title… seemingly very proud of herself)
FR: No, that’s not it. Thanks anyway, I have to get going.
AMDRAC: Er dawg, hura it be ova hura!
FR: (for some damn reason, thinking this jackass may have actually found it because he was standing near the section where the book had been shelved in the past, begin walking that way)
AMDRAC: Main, you didn’t say it wod no politic book? Why’d you not tell me bout dat?
FR: Because it is not a political book. Thanks anyway, I gotta get going. (making my 3rd attempt at the door)
SIWBW: Ah, yees. Dee book I haf foun!
FR: (thinking that I may have put up with this crap for good reason, walk over to her, waiting for her to hand me the book. She is standing behind the computer at the checkout desk)
SIWBW: Eet es hur en dee compootor. Eet sayes we ah oute oaf stok. (she is still very proud of herself)
FR: (standing, slack-jawed in absolute shock at the stupidity that is surrounding me)
SIWBW: Sew, ow es dee compootor beznez?
FR: What?
SIWBW: (repeats herself)
FR: How should I know? What are you talking about?
SIWBW: You ah dreesed vera nicely… (basically hinting that anyone who dressed nicely is in the computer business)
FR: I’m a baseball coach… I am not in the computer business. (I wasn't about to get into the whole strength coach talk with her, so I simplified my job title, haha)
AMDRAC: Er dawg, u mean baseball like dis? (makes a bat-swinging motion with his arms)
FR: No, baseball like this (making a throwing motion with my arm… just to mess with his head)
AMDRAC: (confused, looking like he has the biggest brain-freeze ever) Aow, er dawg, I think I gotcha.
FR: I gotta go, thanks to both of you so much for all of you help.
AMDRAC: Gooluck wit dat hitmain thang dawg!

And to think that we are now in our last roadtrip of the season and I am going to have to wait until next year to experience the airport and all her crazy people… but wait, there is still the Nashville airport early Monday morning! Yes! There is still hope yet in another blog!